The 3 Pieces of a Bad Idea

There is a bad idea floating around out here.

It is an idea based off of get rich quick, short-term thinking.

It permeates the atmosphere of media reporting around start-up culture.

It has moved from the realm of the late night infomercial to the realm of the internet with astonishing ease.

The bad idea states that if a person just does one, secret trick that they will lose weight, gain height, and in general, improve their lives and fortunes.

The core of this bad idea really lies in three areas:

Hard work is boring, not flashy. Anything that can be done to avoid it should be done.
Consistency is unsexy and should be done away with in favor of short bursts of spectacle.
Commitment is a trap. Distract the audience long enough with spectacle and they will forgive lack of commitment efforts in work that isn’t necessarily flashy.

Individually, these areas are easy to combat and train out of an approach to anything worthwhile, from mediation to marketing.

Collectively, however, these three areas give power to the bad idea of an “easy solution” which is so pervasive that, when it takes root, in any area is almost impossible to dislodge.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Scarcity is a Lie

Human beings have trouble engaging with conflict effectively, from the schoolhouse to the workhouse.

Well, the “workhouse” doesn’t exist anymore, but you get my meaning.

In a world of scarcity, conflict engagement is incredibly difficult, primarily because we tend to view our resources (i.e. time, emotions, money, etc., etc., etc.) as limited.

We tend to approach conflicts in our lives from an inadequacy fueled, poverty based mindset that views the future as scary, the past as dominant and today as a mere distraction.

This leads to people avoiding conflicts regularly.
This leads to people confronting conflicts badly and ineffectively.
This leads to people being confounded by conflicts genuinely.

This also creates a reality for people in conflict that causes them to believe that they solve conflicts well (they don’t) or that they don’t have any conflicts in their lives (they do).

The other side effect of a poverty based mindset around conflicts involves being pushed– through experiencing repeated conflict situations–toward trauma and dysfunction, before seeking professional help.

Trauma. Dysfunction. Poverty. Scarcity.

Engaging with conflict effectively requires a shift in psychology, designed to view resources as abundant, other people as partners and conflict situations as temporary moments in time, rather than permanent states of being.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Advertising Drowning

These days, advertising is flashy, interruptive, and mostly tuned out by an organization’s target audience.

Sales are harder because the distance from initial engagement to close has never been more tenuous.

Marketing, ironically enough, is easier than ever before because the tools for creativity, engagement and growth have never been more accessible than they are right now.

The individuals, organizations, associations and corporations that get this are thriving.

Those that don’t are either treading water—or are drowned already and don’t even know it.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

“I’m Worried About My Bottom Line.”

Really?

Well, let’s be honest:

Bottom line concerns tend to only appear when “getting by” and making the quarterly numbers, no longer works and when competitive pressure, employee choice and other market conditions begin to appear.

Employers will not always be blessed with an “employer’s market” and ignoring, or minimizing, the training and educating, of those demoralized, traumatized employees who have been long-term unemployed, could cost in the billions in lost revenues, time and profits.

Worried about the “bottom line” around conflicts in your workplace?

You should be.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

When Isn’t It About YOU!

This isn’t about me. It’s about YOU.

But then again, when ISN’T it about YOU!

Look, you see yourself one way. The world sees you another way. Very rarely do you have an opportunity to look at yourself through the eyes of the world.

It starts with YOU. It ends with YOU.

Intrigued yet?

Branding expert and leading authority on the science of fascination, Sally Hogshead (@SallyHogshead), is launching her new book How the World Sees You on July 1.

To celebrate all of the new insights she’s learned over the past decade of research, she has started Project Fascination, with a goal to show 100,000 people how their personalities add value.

To do this, she’s given me a special code BL-JSorrells79 to give the first 100 people who use it her Fascination Advantage® assessment for free! This has never been done before, and will only last until July 25!

And the best part is – they want this to be a chain reaction. So when you take the assessment using BL-JSorrells79, you’ll receive 100 assessments to share with your circle for free too! That’s $3700 of free market research at your fingertips!

So how do you take the assessment? Simple.

Go to www.HowTheWorldSeesYou.com/You and use code BL-JSorrells79.
Once you’ve taken the assessment, Sally’s team will load 100 assessments into your new account. Rinse and repeat.

That’s it.

Now you’re ready to discover how your personality is custom built for certain situations, and which situations you should learn to avoid.

And it only takes 5 minutes (you can even do it on your phone).

28 questions. 5 minutes. A whole new way to communicate.

Remember, the best way to empower someone is to show them their own highest value.

Our goal together is to show people the very best of themselves – the qualities that makes them more successful, more authentic, and more fascinating.

Remember that your code will expire July 25. Don’t let this $3700 value go to waste. Take the assessment today and encourage your friends and followers to do the same to do the same.

Your Fascination Advantage Report is the first big step into knowing how your personality can be heard and remembered in an overcrowded market. And sharing the assessment will help others do the same. Find everything you need to put this knowledge into practice with your co-workers, close friends and significant other in Sally’s new book, How the World Sees You.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

3 Ways to Address Anger in the Workplace

Don’t drive angry.

Don’t tweet angry.

But going to work angry…well…that’s just the way of the world.

Fear of Unemployment

Right?

With the number of “disengaged” employees in the workplace at 26%, according to a recent Dale Carnegie study, it’s no wonder that people may occasionally show up to work:

Pissed off
Peeved
Slightly miffed

Or any of the other amorphous euphemisms that we use to say “angry.”

The key to creating and retaining engaged employees is to actually engage with them.

And, according to the same study, “the number one factor [] cited influencing engagement and disengagement was “relationship with immediate supervisor.”

We wrote a couple of weeks ago about emotional intelligence and emotional illiteracy.

Too many organizations still prefer to have disengaged staff and team members who are coming to work to grind through their eight to twelve hour days and then go home. Underneath the watchful eyes of supervisors and managers that they do not respect, appreciate or even remotely like.

What’s the solution?

Training supervisors, managers and others in how to engage in empathy, even when it appears to be immediately unproductive;

Developing organizational cultures that truly allow caring and inclusion to be active values, not just ones that appear on the masthead or at the company party;

Encouraging C-suite and above individuals who set the corporate tone to seek out developmental coaching and therapy to understand why they tick.

Otherwise, coming to work angry will keep happening.

And it’s not that hard to imagine a future where violence mars the workplace in the same ways that it does our schools.

-Peace Be With You All-

Guest Blogger Heidi Eckerson: Massaging with the Enemy

And our guest blogger series for this month concludes with a contribution from Heidi Eckerson of Revolution Massage Therapy in Endicott, NY.

A graduate of the Finger Lakes School of Massage in Ithaca, Revolution owner and NYS Licensed Massage Therapist Heidi Eckerson trained in the science of the body and the art of massage.

Heidi is dedicated to collaborating with her clients to design massage sessions that promote their wellness in a safe, effective, holistic way. To learn more about her practice visit Revolution Massage Therapy’s website Revolution Massage Therapy and follow her on Facebook.

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Some guy named Eddie emailed me about joining his group at the BU Health Fair. “We’re reaching out to all the therapists there. Last year we set up a chair massage corral.”

Thanks, but no thanks. I had my own booth, promoting my own practice. I wanted to stand out.

I arrived early at the Events Center to set up.

Then, one by one, they came. Lugging massage chairs and other gear. They moved tables, discussed the layout—even considered my space! Handing me a brochure, Eddie introduced himself. He was President and founder of AIM—Association of Independent Massage Therapists.

He rattled off their names: Lynne with her do-it-yourself face cradle covers. Marilyn, insisting I visit the other vendors. Charles my Shiatsu teacher. Elena ushered clients into our chairs. The next thing I knew, I was annexed by this group of massage therapists—not quite “join or die” but ….

There was another massage business there. And they stood out with their flashy tablecloth, win-to-spin prize wheel, and bowl of candy. But they lacked our energy. People passed them by, lining up at our chair massage corral.

I am now secretary of AIM. Members have their own practices, but pool resources to do bigger things: educate people on the benefits of massage; coordinate massage at community events.

We share experiences and advice. My business, Revolution Massage Therapy, has grown because of collaboration with my competition. We stand out by standing together.

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Standing out is what a leader does.

You can stand out as well…once you know your leadership style.

Sign up for the February 19^th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link herehttp://bit.ly/1dyaYji for more information and to register!

We would love to see you there!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://www. hsconsultingandtraining.com

Take Me to the Other Side

Much ink has been spilled about the impact of Martin Luther King’s life and legacy.

As a conflict engagement specialist, though, I think of something else today.

Nonviolent resistance is the best way to expose the hypocrisy and unjustness of legalized policies and has been used from Jesus to Ghandi to MLK to Nelson Mandela to affect change in societies and cultures.

But what about those folks on the other side of the confrontation?

What about those folks in power in the American South who had instituted systems of privilege and power that oppressed people?

What about the British government in India or the Roman government in Judea?

What about the white minority population and government in South Africa?

Why didn’t they look at the resistance, stop what they were doing, lay down their arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution?

In conflicts and mediation situations, I often observe parties who are incapable of changing their patterns of behavior, their ingrained responses and their knee jerk reactions to external stimuli coming in the form of difficulty, confrontation and conflict.

If people as individuals cannot look at the resistance, stop what they are doing, lay down their (metaphorical) arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution in a personal or family conflict, then what hope do countries, cultures and peoples have?

The issue at that point becomes one of decisions, choices and the will to follow through on them.

Jesus and Ghandi had the will.

So did MLK and Mandela.

The will on the other side was weaker, the ability to “save face” was not as strong and the capacity for change was not as developed.

Mediators are the only ones with the training, expertise and desire to get all the parties to the table to even begin the talking process.

Yet, we still have volunteer mediators in this country.

Yet, we still think that mediation, collaboration and compromise are for the faint of heart.

Something to think about, today on January 20, 2014.

-Peace Be With You All-

Why So “Serious?”

Amid the theater and drama surrounding the very real conflict around the 2013 government shutdown, the Affordable Health Care Act implementation and other events in Washington DC, we are a little surprised here at HSCT to hear one word fall consistently from our government leaders’ lips:

“Serious.”

As in, “I won’t negotiate without serious reform on the table.”

“I won’t talk to [Insert name of politician/political party here] until they make a serious offer for change.”

Now, part of our role here at HSCT is to teach people how to negotiate. We teach how to navigate stonewalling, interests, judgments about the future, risk tolerance, and time preference. In addition, we cover lessons around framing, communication and the use of deceptive tactics.

We’re also not naïve to the whims and modes of American political history and realize that there have been “budget battles” in Washington DC that looked intractable, but that eventually produced workable compromises between governing parties.

However, nowhere in our training or in our experiences, were we ever taught to not negotiate until the other party became “serious” and made an offer we could live with before beginning the bargaining process.

This all kind of puts us in mind of The Joker in The Dark Night .

He didn’t want to negotiate until Batman was “serious” either. And yet, somehow, negotiations (such as it were in the film) moved forward anyway.

And that’s what has us so surprised.

After all of the bluffing, deception, and everything else, we are absolutely sure that the debt ceiling, the government shutdown and the Affordable Health Care Act implementation will be resolved one way or another.

But, when people in power harden their positions—as do their followers, the pundits and the casual observers—the chances that, to paraphrase from The Joker “everything burns,” become that much more possible.

Why then, is there such emphasis on “serious?”

-Peace Be With You All-

Creativity Flows

6:30 am: The alarm goes off announcing the beginning of a new day. I roll over and hit “dismiss” and try to gain a few more winks. But I’m winking in vain.

Chinese Proverb

6:45 am: The legs swing off the bed and I wrap myself in a blanket and head to my prayer closet for an hour. Get The One perspective on the day before putting in any other perspectives.

7:30 am: The wife rolls over and wakes up. We talk for fifteen minutes about the day ahead, how much we love each other and then she jumps up to put the kid on the bus.

7:45 am: The shower is hot, the shaving razor’s cold and it stings. This is the time when the Android begins to shake, vibrate and blip at me with incoming messages. The world is waking up.

8:15 am: Go downstairs and start coffee. Have an apple while passing through the office to boot up the computer.

8:30 am: The coffee starts to make me vibrate as the email, texting, Tweeting, Facebooking, LinkedIn connecting and other nonsense starts in earnest on my end. I also begin my “to-do” list for the day.

9:45 am: Content creation, workshop preparation and research, speech writing begins. This will go in fits and starts, intermittently with checking email and responding to LinkedIn posts and comments, throughout the day.

11:45 am: Go to the radio and hit the POWER button. Start the talk radio going. It makes the day pass by and I get all these different perspectives from what I’m intermittently reading on Drudgereport.

1:45 pm: Lunch. And keep working on projects. Phone calls begin now. Always call in the afternoon because I hate to be bothered in the morning as a business owner and I project my neuroses on others. Monday and Wednesday, cold calling; Tuesday and Thursday, warm calling; Friday no calling.

3:45 pm: Kids start walking in the door. Whole day now enters “Swiss Cheese” mode, pockmarked by homework requests, TV requests, videogame requests, food/snack requests, wife requests, calls back from potential clients (if I’m lucky) or more work on content creation for the next day.

5:45 pm: Time to think about fixing dinner.

6:30 pm: Fix dinner because the two people under four feet tall are about to eat each other and the taller peoples above four feet tall are about to eat each other.

7:15 pm: Dinner hour. Welcome to the goat rodeo: The one time of the day where I’m a conflict consultant, mediator, father, disciplinarian, husband, Tweeter, and cook’s helper (or, depending on the day, the cook) all at the same time. And at the dinner table.

8:00 pm: Bedtime for those under four feet tall. Let the wrangling into showers, pull-ups, pajamas, beds and cribs begin.

9:15 pm: Go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and maybe Fridays. Or, start to catch up on what was missed during the last two hours on social media, answer late emails, create content for tomorrow and talk to my wife as she sits next to me editing.

11:30 pm: Hit the sack. Set the alarm to do it all again tomorrow.

This is a summary of a day as a conflict consultant.

The days are also randomly broken up when there are meetings to go to, clients to meet, trainings, workshops or speaking engagements to run, deadlines to follow, or crises to address.

Backing up my wife and kids becomes the most important thing above everything and sometimes this leads to nights that stretch into 1am.

Also, if there is a class, outside employment or another factor to be addressed during the day (for instance, I have to go to work at a retail store as an employee for 4, 6, or 8 hours of the day) then everything shifts back or up.

No day is the “same.”

No day is “normal.”

No day is “average.”

Creativity flows when there is no routine, but no routine.

As the principal conflict consultant here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) I believe in picking yourself as a conflict professional first before a client picks you.

That way you can decide the best client to fit into your routine. Not the other way around.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/