Guest Blogger Joe Coudriet: Combating Negative Communication, Part II

In the continuing effort to add the most value to your life that we possibly can here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT), we are bringing back Pastor Joe Coudriet of Southern Tier Family Life Church (STFLC) based out of Binghamton, NY.

This is the second part of his blog post (interrupted last week by our observations and reactions from volunteering in the OKC area) focusing on negative communication patterns.

And, as our national holiday of July 4th approaches, family, friends and others will be communicating, hopefully with positive communication patterns.

But if not, well…here’s Pastor Joe…

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Last time, I talked about facing the negative patterns of communication that effect our relationships by first being true to them; meaning owning them. It can be tough and it can hurt, but like the words of the song says, it can ‘hurt so good’ if we’ll deal with them straight up.

I want to move in the direction of replacing the negative with the positive but before we can we have to see what needs corrected.

How do we deal with anger and negative emotions.

First of all, anger is not a thing, it’s a feeling. Anger has no power in and of itself unless you bring action to it; to get ‘angry.’ Getting ‘angry’ can happen in our heads or manifest through our actions and when they do, we likely hurt ourselves and others. And, who wants that?

So, when you are feeling ‘anger’ or experiencing negative emotions, learn to do the following things:

1-Wait 3 minutes and do nothing. This can give the mind, and the spirit, time to kick in to bring clarity.

2-Link your desire to respond with a thought about what that ‘action’ would bring about (more anger, hurt to you or others) and,

3-Combat the thought, immediately or after the 3 minute wait, by speaking something positive; a blessing, an observation, whatever.

Just because you get angry, or experience negative emotions, doesn’t mean that you have to empower those feelings.

Face them, consider the consequences of acting on them and replace them.

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Check out the STLFC website at www.stflc.org and their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/STFLC?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser.

Or, if you’re in the Southern Tier Area on a Sunday morning from 10am-12pm, stop by the Boys and Girls Club of Binghamton, NY, and attend service.

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-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Follow the Human-Services-Consulting-and-Trainingpage on Facebook

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Email HSCT questions or comments at: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

OKC Relief: 2013-Hard Labor, the Knowledge Economy and Christian Economics

“Labor was the first price, the original purchase-money that was paid for all things. It was not by gold or by silver, but by labor, that all wealth of the world was originally purchased. “ – Adam Smith

There is an epic change—a sea shift, if you will—occurring the economy of the United States and other Western economies. A combination of factors has caused this shift (governmental regulations, export/import laws, tax regulations, the rise of the internet, etc.) but in spite of what has caused it, individuals are experiencing the impact of this sea shift. And it’s not going to end anytime soon.

The first economy that is most acutely being left behind is the industrialized, farm and labor economy where someone performs hard labor for 8, 10, or 12 hours a day, goes home with their union negotiated pay in their pocket, and then collapses on the bed, only to rise again at 5am the next day to repeat the process. This is the economy of broken backs, wrinkled brows, workplace injuries and men and women who appear aged 65 at age 45.

The other economy that is being left behind is the human service economy. The economy of “Can I get fries with that?” and the economy of part time customer service that eventually moves to full time management. These economies are being replaced by automation, online servicing and other ways of providing the same thing for less. Part of this shift is being driven by governmental regulations and new laws. Part of this shift is being driven by the grand idea of a “no employment” economy that operates where there is no profit, no loss and really no jobs at all. See the thought leaders on LinkedIn for more about this concept.

With all of these shifts and changes, it’s easy for organizations and individuals to become defensive and retrench; sticking to thinking that the old ways will save us and practices that preserve the image of stability, encourage and sustain sclerotic growth and provide a measure of security at the expense of the scariness of growth and freedom.

The Face of Hard Labor

What I saw in Oklahoma convinced me that this last is the absolutely wrong approach to the future. And, as a conflict engagement consultant, I believe firmly that conflicts must be addressed with an eye toward the future and the preservation of relationships that may not yet even exist. With that in mind, three things occurred to me on the 24 hour+ bus ride back to the Binghamton area:

Neighborhoods Like this Aren’t Going to Clean Up Themselves

Hard labor will always exist. There will always be people who will have to build roads, lay concrete for housing foundations and stand on roofs, laying tar in the heat of a July day. However, the numbers of people overall performing this labor will decrease rather than increase and it is imperative that we train our very bright eyed and bushy tailed Millenial and post-Millenial generations the value of hard labor.

The value of this will be particularly acute when disaster strikes and old things are swept aside and new structures must be built.

The knowledge economy and gains we have seen in it must be applied more and more to the hard labor economy. Now, maybe this is already happening at a deep level that I am unaware of, but I wonder: Is there an app for calling every Bobcat in a local area when a disaster strikes and the people to operate them? Is there a way to instantly download the building plans to a first responders’ I-phone so that they know the right room to go to when rescuing folks? Again, maybe this is happening in larger metropolitan areas, but what about out in the boondocks? And which Millenial or post-Millenial computer whiz is going to develop this and take it glocal?

The economy of giving—of time, money, labor and other intangible resources—is currently being led by organizations that are either Christian or have a Christian founding, such as the Salvation Army. This creates a dichotomy whereby another economy is created, and that is a Christian economy. And as the overall society becomes more secularly focused, these Christian based organizations (sometimes partnering with secular organizations, such as the Red Cross, sometimes not) will gradually become more and more important in responding to disasters—environmental, financial and even economic.

I founded HSCT on the principle that there is a way to approach engaging with conflicts by applying Christian ethics to find long-term solutions for people and organizations.

The simplest ethic is one of Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You. This is known commonly as the Golden Rule.

Christians hopefully will take from the disaster in Oklahoma and apply this principle well and modeling the greatest ethic of all, which is simply to help others whenever and wherever the opportunity arises and by this demonstrate the depth and breadth of love.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Follow the Human-Services-Consulting-and-Trainingpage on Facebook

Follow our Principal Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Check out the website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

OKC Relief: 2013-The Pictures

“Doulos. I am a servant.”-Abundant Life Christian Center

“I wasn’t a hero. But I served in the company of heroes.” –Richard Winters, Band of Brothers

In our professional capacity as peace builders, entrepreneurs and social media mavericks here at HSCT, we do our best to separate the “we” from the “I” in this blog. The “we” is talking about strategies in developing a peace building business or marketing strategies for conflict professionals. The “I” comes through in our weekly HIT pieces and sometimes even in our ‘tongue-in-cheek’ approach to writing.

However, occasionally the “we” and the “I” overlap and become just me, Jesan Sorrells.

And over the next week, I will be blogging my thoughts and conclusions that stemmed from the experience I had last week, traveling to Moore, Oklahoma and the surrounding area, getting –as I put it when I was asked by a fellow traveler—my “skin” in the game, such as it were, in the realm of disaster relief.

As you may or may not be aware, vicious tornadoes ripped through Oklahoma about 4 weeks ago and caused massive devastation, the likes of which have been seen before. But not up close and in the trenches. And, dare I say regular reader, not by you either. I went with a group of about 200 volunteers from Southern Tier Family Life Church (http://www.stflc.org) out of Binghamton, NY and Abundant Life Christian Center (http://www.alcclife.org/) out of Syracuse, NY.

We traveled over 24 hours to Oklahoma, bunked together, military style, and then waded into the 90 degree, dry heat, the still air, the broken rubble and even the broken sewer lines. Our group changed lives and worked so thoroughly that work was thrown at us that others didn’t want to do. We took nothing in return except our bonds with the people we helped, and the bonds we established with each other.

But, the internet is now a media medium of pictures, not words. So, check out the images below in this first post and be back tomorrow for my thoughts on what I learned by serving with a company of volunteer heroes.

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This was in a local neighborhood in Newalla, OK.

This was taken in Moore, OK.

The first tornado of three touched down here in a neighborhood in Moore.

This was taken in a neighborhood in Newalla, OK.

The first thing that all the volunteers did every morning was gather in the pavilion.

Yes, those are stains on my pants. No, it’s not what you think…

We bunked military style, six men to a row.

This is a photo of the opposite side of Moore, OK.

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-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Follow the Human-Services-Consulting-and-Trainingpage on Facebook

Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Check out the website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Guest Blogger Joe Coudriet: Combating Negative Communication

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”– George Bernard Shaw

This week’s Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) Guest Blogger, Pastor Joe Coudriet, along with his wife, Pastor Dawn Coudriet, is the minister of Southern Tier Family Life Church (STFLC), based out of Binghamton, New York. His blog posts this week and next will focus around combating negative communication patterns in your life.

The mission of STFLC (taken directly from the website) is as follows: “We desire to lead people into a real relationship with Jesus Christ as we glorify God, grow together and give to others.”

Meeting at the Boys and Girls Club of Binghamton, New York since the early months of 2011, STFLC has a strong background in service, growth and leadership.

Check out the STLFC website at www.stflc.org, follow Pastor Joe on Twitter at @joecoudriet,

and check out the STFLC Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/STFLC?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser.

Or, if you’re in the Southern Tier Area on a Sunday morning from 10am-12pm, stop by the Boys and Girls Club of Binghamton, NY, and attend service.

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I always appreciate the opportunity to contribute to @Sorrells79 and the great work being done through HSCT.

As a pastor I am full of faith and trust in God’s word.

As a human I know that before God’s word can have full effect in a person’s life that they must first face the truth: The truth about their circumstances, the truths about the relationships they are in, and the truths about themselves.

Of course looking at the truth is Biblical as well and so I guess I never really stray far away from it because the truth, the Bible says, will set us free.

When confronting the negative patterns of communication that hinder our relationships we must first be true to them; meaning we need to own what’s coming out of our mouth and from our actions.

The good news, however, is that if we can begin to be truthful with ourselves we can be set free from the hindrances developed through our communication patterns and then faith can take root in our lives and give us the strength to follow through.

Next…how to face the truth.

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-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Follow the Human-Services-Consulting-and-Trainingpage on Facebook

Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Check out the website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct