Seeking Validation

When someone asks you for validation about their approach to managing a conflict, what they are really asking for is reassurance that they are doing the right thing.

But since validation can only come from gatekeepers, and since gatekeepers have significantly less power in the world now than they ever have before, seeking validation is really an empty pursuit.

And since there is never enough reassurance that the right path has been taken, asking for validation—but really seeking reassurance—is a recipe for hiding from making the decisions that will move a conflict forward toward management and maybe resolution.

Instead of offering validation (or reassurance) offer opportunities and challenges to those who are hiding to have the courage to come out into the light, to make a decision, and to ship a solution that will be good enough for the conflict they are in.


  1. HI Jesan,

    Aryeh here, recent grad from Ithaca College. You were the RD of East tower my freshman year. Just wanted to reach out and say I love your videos and all of that you’ve put together here. I am working on the start-up path myself and it is not easy. When I see you making these videos, putting together an awesome site, and consistently promoting your business, it inspires me to stay true and commitment to what I’m doing as well.

    Very inspired by your career change and passion! (although you were an awesome RD and was not as fun when you left).

    All the best,

    • Hi Aryeh-

      Thanks for commenting on my post. I appreciate it. I had no idea that you were building your own project, launching something larger than yourself out into the world. Good for you. We need more, not less, of that. Thanks for reading and looking around the site as well. I had a great time as an RD, but as we learned from Star Trek, all good things must come to an end. Keep up the good work and keep being inspired!

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