Monthly Archives: February 2014

….delaying gratification….


Delaying gratification is not something that our culture—or us as American individuals—are particularly good at right now at the dawn of the 21st century.
This Image is NOT Mine
The famed Marshmallow Test is a good example of this; as is the biological fact that our pleasure centers light up in response to social media engagement; as is the fact that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.
But the rub really comes when those who can delay gratification—and suffer through the hard times without a cell phone, social media exposure or connections, or money—outlast, outlive and out play those who can’t.
The dark side of delayed gratification—and there is a dark side—is intolerance of others, impatience, judgment, poor emotional intelligence, disassociation and a lack empathy.
The positives are success, self-discipline, impulse control, goal accomplishment, drive, grit, emotional and intellectual clarity and the development of a healthy ego. 
Which outcomes would you like to choose?
Well, let’s see how we do on the Marshmallow Test…
-Peace Be With You All-
 
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Caught Under a Mote


No matter what the conflict, if we aren’t acting from our best selves, we are in danger of both falling into the ditch, and the ditch is filled with stuff we talked about on Monday(Luke 6:39).
Keep in mind, that the only difference between a ditch and a grave in a conflict is the depth of the hole.
If two people are involved in a conflict (or a fight) and one is better at being analytical and the other is better at being empathetic, that doesn’t make one approach to resolution better than the other.
In fact, it makes both approaches equally valid, based on the nature of the conflict, the nature of the difficulty that preceded it and the nature of the parties involved.
And no amount of protesting about “winners” and “losers” is going to change that, no matter how much we institutionalize that type of thinking.
However, a caution: Empathic feeling and analytical thinking are both valid ways to being solving a conflict, but leading with the “My Approach Is Better and Should Win” leads to beams and planks being confused with motes and specks. (Luke 6:41-42)
Take two hours TONIGHT to learn how to avoid the ditch.
Meet our conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells.
Map your leadership style TONIGHT!
SIGN-UP for the February 19th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!
Follow the link here http://bit.ly/1b6bOK3for more information and to register!
We would love to see you there!
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

[Opinion] Trapped on the LIE

Imagine if when people were in conflict, they were transformed by changing their minds and approaches to conflicts, rather than conforming to “the way things have always worked?” (Romans 12:2).  Applying principles expounded by the Gallup Organization, people can be transformed, but many prefer to conform to patterns and behaviors that stem from three areas:

  • Lies that they tell themselves about the nature and type of conflicts in which they are involved,
  • Attitudes that have been “wired” into them through past experiences, traumas, stresses and difficulties,
  • Insecurities that they have that bind them to their traditional attitudes and thought processes

Now, we shouldn’t be deceived (and I’m not the first one to point this out) but whatever we create in a conflict from whatever basis we create it, we are going to get back in return (Galatians 6:7).

So, shouldn’t we be acting from our best selves, based on our strengths and what we’re really good at, to respond to conflicts in our lives, rather than reacting based upon lies, insecurities and falsehoods?

[Thanks to Pastors Dawn & Joe Coudriet for pointing these ones out to me]

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

The Craft of You, Inc.!


Everyone’s best work should be expressed to the world, whether it be the work of a street sweeper or the work of an entrepreneur.
The results of labor are representative of hundreds of man hours of other people laboring as well.  
We can approach that fact like Daniel Plainviewor Fred C. Dobbs, but the fact is, that dying empty should be the ultimate goal of everyone in a collaborative economy.
We understand that conflicts can arise when the issues is more about getting food on the table than getting spiritual fulfillment, but the long odds, the long game, should be played by focusing on the process, rather than the results.
And with millenials eschewing the corporate world for entrepreneurship, more and more of us (80 million at last count) are going to be demanding a society where dying emptied of your most creative work is the norm rather than the exception.
Want to be a better street sweeper? Want to develop into a better person?
Then, sign up for the February 19thHSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99! A LIMITED NUMBER OF SPACES ARE STILL AVAILABLE!
Follow the link here http://bit.ly/1dyaYji for more information and to register!
We would love to see you there!
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

The Desert of the Real


Social media has given everyone from Justin Bieber to the fellows from Duck Dynasty, the desire to be seen as “real.”
As a matter of fact, the desire has become so strong, that it has almost become the coin of the realm to get into celebrity, fame and riches.
Here at HSCT, however, we have some advice for potential candidates looking at internships and job opportunities for this summer or even later on in the spring.
  • Don’t clean up your act online. Get smart about what you post and don’t post.

Employers read Twitter the same as your friends do. And with more than half of recruiters (54%) now use Twitter as part of their talent search and with over 94 percent of recruiters who use social media using LinkedIn according to the 2013 Jobvite survey on social media recruiting, getting smart about being “real” is the only way to go.

  • No one wants to network with you. You have to sell yourself and convince the other person that you are a “good buy.”

See Monday’s blogpost for more about this. Remember, offering the option to “opt-in” is far preferable to interrupting HR managers and employers so that they hit that “opt-out” check box on your resume.

  • Personal branding as a concept is deader than dead. Think of yourself as a corporation and YOU are the CEO.

Every time you post, Tweet, comment, like or share content, you become a media company. You are a media company to all of your audiences. Even the ones that you don’t think are tuned in.

  • Content curation leads to managed authenticity and genuine privacy, more so than content creation and content commentary leads to “freedom” and “authenticity.”

Curating and removing content (or not sharing, liking, retweeting or otherwise reposting) leads to authenticity. But not the kind that Miley Cyrus or John Green is striving for; instead, content curation leads to managed authenticity that allows the most important parts of You, Inc., to shine through and shows that you are personable, level-headed and employable. 

As you search for that job, try and gain some complementary skills. Learn your conflict style so that issues don’t ever arise.

Sign up for the February 19th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99! A LIMITED NUMBER OF SPACES ARE STILL AVAILABLE!
Follow the link here http://bit.ly/1dyaYji  for more information and to register!
We would love to see you there!
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

“Opt-In” Networking

From banner ads that boast a .01% click-through rate to YouTube videos that offer the opportunity to “Skip This Ad” in 5…4…3…2…1…, interruptive marketing is becoming more and more desperate to get eyeballs onto content that isn’t interesting, engaging or intriguing.

OPT-IN NETWORKINGHow does that fact tie in with stalled job searches in a country with a labor force participation rate at around 60% and 92 million people not working?

Well, the bad news is that employers have HR departments made up of people and even they are becoming wiser to the interruptive tricks of the job search trade.

So, networking becomes more about developing relationships and seemingly menial work done well, rather than about being interruptive with a resume, cover letter and references.

How do you develop relationships with employers before they want to hire you?

You don’t.

You develop yourself first.

You volunteer at the local soup kitchen.

You shovel the old lady’s driveway next door.

You get up off the couch and start a blog, a Twitter account or a really interesting YouTube channel.

You take the part-time job that is “below you,” for minimum wage and perform at it like it’s the greatest full-time work you’ve ever had.

In a world where the hidden “opt-out” is becoming increasingly the “norm,” allowing others—particularly others with jobs, cash and referrals to throw around—to “opt-in” to you, by showcasing what you do, is the only way to go to get to where you want to be.

Otherwise, your resume is going in the HR trash bin faster than you can click on the “Skip Ad” now button on the bottom right hand side of your favorite YouTube video.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Oscar the Grouch Wins

In a sharing, collaborative economic system, a grouchy mediator can succeed.

The same as a grouchy salesperson, a grouchy consultant, a grouchy NASA scientist or a grouchy plumber.
Or even Oscar the Grouch.
In an increasingly social world, where the old methods of building rapport, such as personal style, manner of speech and dress, common interests and associates have moved to online networks first and offline interactions second, building rapport becomes much more difficult if someone has…well…virtual “resting “bitchy” face.”
Now there’s nothing wrong with that.
However, as the whiz kids of smart move faster and faster toward commodifying, commercializing and socially selling, everything up to and including death, the more difficult it becomes for anyone—even a mediator attempting to create relationships with clients—to establish rapport based on anything other than authenticity.
A grouchy mediator, who markets to the long tail of people who value seriousness and professionalism over cat pictures, facile Tweets, or pointless blog posts, can succeed.
Food for thought.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Tipping Point of Pain


The economic/social distinction between work modes still exists in our evolving economy, because too many people—even in a collaborative economy—still maintain a Cold War, “employee mentality.”
  • The “employee mentality” says that work is a drudgery made to be rewarded through a steady salary, but avoided at all costs at the same time.
  • The “employee mentality” says that the “big scary” thing is going off on your own and that the safe, normal thing is staying with the ship—even as its sinking.
  • The “employee mentality” says that organizations, associations, businesses, governmental systems and the economy will “just somehow continue on” in spite of the disruptions that have occurred through social media, the Internet, technology, sharing, shopping and buying.
We here at HSCT agree with Pam Slim and her perspective, as well as Todd Henry, and we wonder if the newly released CBO numbers around the Affordable HealthCare Act will force people—a tipping point of pain—to make better, long-term strategic choices for more opportunities.
We hope so, because “side hustles” and entrepreneurship must become the “new” normal way the economy works, in a world where a full time, two income lifestyle, cannot be maintained in a part-time, one or one and one half income reality.
Or else there will be a lot more conflicts, disruptions and difficulties to come.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

[Opinion] Would You Like a Side of Mediation with That?

Mediation and sales have several things in common:

  • They both involve establishing trust right away.
  • They both involve starting from a referral from one or more of the parties.
  • They both involve establishing a relationship between the two parties and the mediator/s.

The key place where sales and mediation differ is that a sale is usually closed: Either the salesperson gets the order and gets paid, or the prospect gets the salesperson to go away.

Mediation relies on both parties having the autonomy to walk away. Sales involves parties being pressured (whether lightly or heavily) into making a decision to “buy” or “walk-away.”

The big takeaway form all of this is that if your career is in mediation, learning where to put pressure on versus where to ensure autonomy will ensure that each participant has a satisfactory outcome.

And that you get paid.

Active listening is a huge driver for both sales and mediation.

If you aren’t listing to what your customer is saying that they want—or the parties in the dispute are saying that they want—you’ll wind up going home.

Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/