[Opinion] Would You Like a Side of Mediation with That?

Mediation and sales have several things in common:

  • They both involve establishing trust right away.
  • They both involve starting from a referral from one or more of the parties.
  • They both involve establishing a relationship between the two parties and the mediator/s.

The key place where sales and mediation differ is that a sale is usually closed: Either the salesperson gets the order and gets paid, or the prospect gets the salesperson to go away.

Mediation relies on both parties having the autonomy to walk away. Sales involves parties being pressured (whether lightly or heavily) into making a decision to “buy” or “walk-away.”

The big takeaway form all of this is that if your career is in mediation, learning where to put pressure on versus where to ensure autonomy will ensure that each participant has a satisfactory outcome.

And that you get paid.

Active listening is a huge driver for both sales and mediation.

If you aren’t listing to what your customer is saying that they want—or the parties in the dispute are saying that they want—you’ll wind up going home.

Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

The Human Services Consulting and Training Blog has been Nominated for the Liebster Award!


The Human Services Consulting and Training Blog has been nominated for the Liebster Award by Anastasia Priyanikova of  The Brain Alchemist

Anastasia is the founder of E-Studio, LLC, a coaching, training and consulting company that translates neuroscience insights into tools and solutions in the areas of communication, conflict management, public speaking, presenting, and transmedia storytelling.

She is a co-founder of Bookphoria, a multimedia and transmedia project that enables authors, experts and speakers to convert their books and expert content into online courses and multimedia products to grow their information business and communities of practice. I have had the pleasure of seeing Anastasia present and I look forward to working with her more in the future. 
The Liebster Award personifies “paying it forward,” collaboration and the further development of the connection economy and I am honored to take part in it.
Here are the rules for the Liebster Award. To accept the award:
  • Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented this award to you.
  • Answer the 10 questions from the nominator.
  • Nominate 10 blogs and create 10 questions for your nominees.
Now…ONTO THE QUESTIONS!!!
  1. What inspired you to start blogging?
I wanted to get exposure for ideas that I have had running around in my head for years on topics ranging from mediation best practices to marketing and entrepreneurship. I also like to talk and write so it seemed like a natural progression.
  1. What do you hope to achieve with your blog?
I hope that readers and followers will read my words and ideas and pass them on to others. I hope that the HSCT Communication Blog will be a seed in the vast soil of the Internet and begin to be watered and grow for the benefit of all.
  1. What are three attributes that best describe your blog?
Wordy. Wordy. Wordy. I have a constitutional inability to write in small snippets. I’m working on the language part to, expressing big ideas, simply.
  1. How do you nurture your creative side?
I read. A LOT. I used to draw and make fine art prints, but it’s tough to get studio time these days. I also hang out with my wife, who is a professional photographer and my kids.
  1. What are you reading right now?
Where to start?
  • Predictive Analytics by Eric Siegel
  • Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler
  • Jab, Jab, Right Hook by Gary Vaynerchuk
  • David and Goliath by Malcolm McDowell 

…and I’ve got an unreleased book manuscript, super secret, about what goes into success.

  1. What are your preferred ways of getting the information you need?
I am on social media 24/7. I listen to podcasts. I also read the Drudge Report. Say what you will about Matt Drudge, but he gets the scoop. I follow Mitch Joel’s marketing blog, as well as Todd Henry and a couple of others. Steve Blank is high up on the list.
  1. What do you like to do to unwind?
If you ask my wife, I never unwind. At all. However, I do like to watch movies and trailers for movies on the Internet. I also like to talk about movies and create vast, improbable screenplays in my mind…and on paper.
  1. What is your most ambitious goal or aspiration for 2014?
My most ambitious goal is to get recorded, edited and archived all of my podcast content for an upcoming project, Earbud_U, set to drop in early 2015. I am also pursuing getting business sponsorships.
  1. What makes you happy?
Traveling with my wife and kids, having a good meal, having a drink with good friends, going to Church and participating in building those relationships…
  1. Anything else you would like to share?
I collect rubber duckies, the official mascot of Human Services Consulting and Training(HSCT) and a friend of mine just gave me a blue one for the Superbowl!

The blogs I nominate for the Liebster Award:

  1. Conflict Specialists Show w/Dave Hilton
  2. Joey Cope.com
  3. Bree Elyse Imaging: Life in Stills
  4. Alpert Mediation: Mediator Musings
  5. Get Artisan
  6. Passion in the Workplace
  7. The Father’s Heart
  8. Hamilton Law and Mediation
  9. The Olive Branch Blog
  10. The Binghamton Blog

My ten questions for the nominees:
  1. What do you DO exactly?
  2. What do you remember the most fondly about the 90’s?
  3. Where did your inspiration come from to start blogging?
  4. Talk about a conflict in your life and how have you resolved it, or not.
  5. What do you do for fun, to shake the cobwebs off?
  6. What do you do to organize your digital life?
  7. What is your process for writing your blog posts?
  8. What are some of your hobbies?
  9. Hypothetical battle: If a fair fight were to happen between yourself and a duck in the park, what would happen and who would win?
  10. What would you like to promote today, if anything?
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Cell: 218-930-0364

Email: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Blog: http://consultingandtraining.blogspot.com

Take Me to the Other Side

Much ink has been spilled about the impact of Martin Luther King’s life and legacy.

MLK_1_19_2015

As a conflict engagement specialist, though, I think of something else today.

Nonviolent resistance is the best way to expose the hypocrisy and unjustness of legalized policies and has been used from Jesus to Ghandi to MLK to Nelson Mandela to affect change in societies and cultures.

But what about those folks on the other side of the confrontation?

What about those folks in power in the American South who had instituted systems of privilege and power that oppressed people?

What about the British government in India or the Roman government in Judea?

What about the white minority population and government in South Africa?

Why didn’t they look at the resistance, stop what they were doing, lay down their arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution?

In conflicts and mediation situations, I often observe parties who are incapable of changing their patterns of behavior, their ingrained responses and their knee jerk reactions to external stimuli coming in the form of difficulty, confrontation and conflict.

If people as individuals cannot look at the resistance, stop what they are doing, lay down their (metaphorical) arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution in a personal or family conflict, then what hope do countries, cultures and peoples have?

The issue at that point becomes one of decisions, choices and the will to follow through on them.

Jesus and Ghandi had the will.

So did MLK and Mandela.

The will on the other side was weaker, the ability to “save face” was not as strong and the capacity for change was not as developed.

Mediators are the only ones with the training, expertise and desire to get all the parties to the table to even begin the talking process.

Yet, we still have volunteer mediators in this country.

Yet, we still think that mediation, collaboration and compromise are for the faint of heart.

Something to think about, today on January 20, 2014.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Mediation with Slim Goodbody


Once parties in conflict agree to meet at the peace table, they are turned inside out.

Managing two parties in mediation becomes the hard work, because the mediator is addressing both her resistance internally, as well as their resistance externally.
Sometimes, this comes in the form of parties wanting to endlessly re-litigate past struggles, disappointments and failures.
Sometimes, parties seek to manipulate the mediator into addressing or “resolving” the conflict in their favor, entrapped in the false belief that mediation is just another form of “justice.”
Sometimes, parties would rather not be there at all, believing that mediation is a weak substitute for the more muscular appearance that litigation has in this culture.
Once parties in conflict agree to leave the peace table, the mediator is turned inside out.
And typically, there’s no witty guitarist and a muppet around to help out.
Take two hours this month to develop the leader within you. 
Meet our conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells.
Map your leadership style this month and sign up for the February 19th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!
Follow the link here http://bit.ly/JM5w4X for more information and to register!
We would love to see you there!
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Scarcity and Abundance


Mediation, conflict resolution, dispute resolution, conflict engagement, interpersonal communication training, reputation /relationship management, counseling, therapy and legal services are all valuable skills to pay top dollar to get in the abundance economy.
Trainers, workshop presenters, facilitators and consultants in an abundant economy are consistently looking for the edge that will make them—and the services that they offer—“scarce.”
In a traditional, industrial based economic system, this wasn’t an issue, because brands advertised, salesmen sold, and certain professions didn’t have to advertise (i.e. lawyers, doctors, etc.) because everyone “knew” that the professional expertise was locked up in a crystal palace (to borrow from Seth Godin here http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/10/our-crystal-palace.html) of scarcity.
Scarcity based on access, knowledge, education, and resources.
But, in an economy where the Internet, social media, Google searches, blogs and a thousand other media content methods have leveled the playing field, how does a professional conflict engagement practitioner get the parties to pay?
By being the only one who can show up.
The mediation process is not scarce. It’s abundant.
More education, more exposure more publication of methods, practices, tactics and approaches ensures that when a client calls XYZ Mediation Service, they are going to get the only thing that they can’t get anywhere else:
XYZ mediator.
That’s scarcity in an abundance economy.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Guest Blogger Ruth Gray: The Bigger Picture

In general, when we think about creative people, we often do not think about conflict. 
We sometimes assume that emotions in an artist are expressed through whatever medium they have chosen, and to a certain degree this may be true. However, conflict comes to the artist and creative as surely as it does to the executive and team leader. 
 

The fine artist Ruth Gray of Ruth Gray Images: Anything But Grey–has been among our followers via Twitter for the entire time that we have been building Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT). 

Her studio, Ruth Gray Images out of Derbyshire, United Kingdom (http://ruthgrayimages.net/) focuses on landscape painting influenced by the landscapes of the United Kingdom as well as Australia.
 
We here at HSCT have a fondness for artists (after all, our principal conflict consultant, Jesan Sorrells has a background in printmaking and drawing) and we believe in a creative, collaborative approach to the conflicts in life. 
 
Please welcome our guest blogger, Ruth Gray.
—————————————————————————————————————————–
Waiting for the Bus Market Place Ripley

Waiting for the Bus Market Place Ripley

My name is Ruth Gray I am a fine artist I have been painting for over ten years professionally and like any job, for being an artist is a job, I have to interact with many other businesses and contacts before I make that magical sale! Conflict is something you can encounter everyday as an artist and my way of dealing with conflict is to always think of the ‘bigger picture.’
The ‘bigger picture’ that I refer is the length you would like your career to be whether you are an artist like me trying to sell pictures or a newly set up retail business. You have to decide how you will handle each conflict. 
For example if a rival artist in your locality decides to change their modus operandi to be similar to yours and you feel it could have a knock on effect to your sales margins do you bad mouth that artist or think of ways of complimenting each other and collaborating? 
I know which I would do! Collaboration brings many more opportunities for future projects and opens doors you previously had no idea about how to unlock.  I am part of a few art associations and work alongside other artists at events and exhibitions and each decision I make is a big picture decision always thinking carefully about sharing and giving rather than taking and gaining.  
Projects currently:
Ruth Gray Images Fine Art Landscapes – Anything But Grey.
Flourish Exhibition airarts aid to wellbeing Royal Derby Hospital: Now until Feb 2014.
The Ripley Rattlers Exhibition: DH Lawrence Museum June 2014.
Links:

—————————————————————————————————————————

 -Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Why So “Serious?”

Amid the theater and drama surrounding the very real conflict around the 2013 government shutdown, the Affordable Health Care Act implementation and other events in Washington DC, we are a little surprised here at HSCT to hear one word fall consistently from our government leaders’ lips:

“Serious.”

Why_So_Serious

As in, “I won’t negotiate without serious reform on the table.”

Or

“I won’t talk to [Insert name of politician/political party here] until they make a serious offer for change.”

Now, part of our role here at HSCT is to teach people how to negotiate. We teach how to navigate stonewalling, interests, judgments about the future, risk tolerance, and time preference. In addition, we cover lessons around framing, communication and the use of deceptive tactics.

We’re also not naïve to the whims and modes of American political history and realize that there have been “budget battles” in Washington DC that looked intractable, but that eventually produced workable compromises between governing parties.

However, nowhere in our training or in our experiences, were we ever taught to not negotiate until the other party became “serious” and made an offer we could live with before beginning the bargaining process.

This all kind of puts us in mind of The Joker in The Dark Night .

He didn’t want to negotiate until Batman was “serious” either. And yet, somehow, negotiations (such as it were in the film) moved forward anyway.

And that’s what has us so surprised.

After all of the bluffing, deception, and everything else, we are absolutely sure that the debt ceiling, the government shutdown and the Affordable Health Care Act implementation will be resolved one way or another.

But, when people in power harden their positions—as do their followers, the pundits and the casual observers—the chances that, to paraphrase from The Joker “everything burns,” become that much more possible.

Why then, is there such emphasis on “serious?”

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

How Do You Design a System?

Typically a consultant, or mediator, is called.

More likely than not after she’s answered some critical questions http://bit.ly/17Eb6icthat are integral to her success with her client’s conflict issues.
She walks into the organization and meets with the upper management. Sometimes the C-Level folks, but usually they don’t get in on the act until later.
She listens and takes notes, asks important questions and looks for opportunities to generate a positive outcome.
She prepares a report, usually only a few pages in length, outlining the primary conflicts and players in an organization, the nature of the culture of the organization and possible solutions that could be generated.
 She floats the paperwork, quotes a price for continuing, and then waits…
And waits…
And waits some more…
Eventually, the upper management calls her back and, if another project isn’t taking too much of her valuable time, she goes back to the organization and gets to work.
At this point it would be convenient and effective to talk to the employees—from the janitor’s closet to the executive suite—about the issues, the conflicts and the cultures present in the organization.
However, this does not always happen and without the support of the entire organizational structure, typically the corporate executive folks in all of the divisions, from human resources to finance, good cultural design changes cannot occur.
Typically, a consultant will work most closely with the legal folks and the human resources division and will never see anyone from any other part of the structure.
Top-down conflict resolution systems with established internal features try to be swift, impartial, fair, confidential, simple and above all inexpensive.
But when was the last time that a top-down solution to a statutory (or non-statutory) organizational conflict worked to the satisfaction of all of those involved?
Then, typically, a consultant, or mediator, is called…

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

On Getting Skilled Art for Free


“Art is a personal act of courage, something one human does that creates change in another.”
― Seth Godin
Volunteering is a great thing. 
Volunteers built the prohibition movement and the feminist movement that sprang out of it. 
Volunteerism has driven the establishment of non-profit organizations and associations that perform good deeds every day in this country. 
Volunteers marched on Washington and had dogs and hoses turned on them to break Jim Crow.
In the interests of full disclosure, the principal consultant here at HSCT volunteers for two great local organizations in the Southern Tier.
But, at a certain point, for certain things, no one wants a volunteer to show up. 
No one wants their case taken by a volunteer lawyer, though local Legal Aid societies do tremendous work for people who cannot afford legal protection in any other context.
No one wants a building constructed by a volunteer architect, engineer, or construction worker. Oh sure, a couple of college kids showing up to build a Habitat for Humanity house is fine, but having them design the build is another thing altogether.
No one wants a volunteer psychiatrist prescribing psychotropic drugs or recommending therapies for severe mental health issues.
We hire professionals in all of these areas.
So, the core question becomes: Why do organizations, businesses, associations and individuals continue to recommend, advise and, in some cases demand, that the only way to successfully resolve a conflict is to “get a volunteer mediator?”
The mediation process is at least as intense and involved as the legal process, the mental health process, the building and design process or the surgical process.   
Mediation is about reaching inside the most intimate process a person can go through—a conflict—and helping guide two people toward whatever resolution they desire to get to.
This is Art. Worthy to be paid for.
So, why are there over 20,000 volunteers in this country alone, doing work that—if it were in another field—would be highly paid for?
Is it because everybody knows how to resolve conflict?
Is it because no one needs conflicts resolved?
Is it because people and organizations don’t know that mediation and conflict resolution exists?
We here at HSCT postulate that the reason there are a plethora of volunteers in the field of mediation is for two reasons:
Too many people think that they can mediate a conflict. This is best summed up in the phrase “Well, how hard could mediation be,” or “Can’t Judy in HR do it? She’s pretty good at resolving conflicts?”
Which leads into the second reason:  The skills of a professional mediator, active listening, finding a third way, developing a negotiated agreement, etc., etc., are seen more as being a subsets of other professional skills and not as true artistic skills to be learned and practiced—and paid for—on a regular basis.
We here at HSCT believe that the combination of skills, training, education, experiences, and—well, life—is worth paying a pretty penny for.  And we believe that more organizations, institutions, associations, corporations, businesses—and even governments—would do well to pay a salary to either a consultant with the specific mediation skills to help them.  Or, create positions that will allow individuals to facilitate the development of the mediation field, both now and in the future.
And, mediation as a field should begin to make the argument—as fast as is humanly possible—that the skills of mediation are worth paying for. Before too many more graduates from Masters and Doctoral programs are compelled to volunteer to practice their art, and work full-time doing something else to feed their families.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA 
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Follow our Principal Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Email HSCT questions or comments at: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

On Leads, Or How to Sell What Clients and Organizations Don’t Think They Need

No one needs help resolving conflicts.

#NoOneNeedsConflictResolved

People need help communicating. People need help leading and figuring out leadership. People need help managing other people. People need help with figuring out “how to talk to annoying Aunt Janet and Uncle Mike.”

But no one needs help resolving conflicts.

When put on the spot, 9 times out of 10, people will be unable to identify a conflict they are having in their life, that is impacting them at a level where they may need conflict engagement skills services.

However, the person standing next to them—wife, husband, friend, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew—will be able to zero in on where the person is deficient in their approach to a conflict.

But, it’s not the person standing next to the person who can’t think of a conflict they need help with that’s the problem: The problem is that the dysfunction of unresolved conflicts is so normalized that it’s no longer seen as a problem.

Case in point:

Him: “So, what’s your business?”

Me: “I’m a professional conflict engagement consultant. I help small businesses, higher education organizations and churches engage with the conflicts in their lives.”

Him: “So, can I get your card?”

Me: “Sure.”

Him: “So, I guess I would bring you in say if I had problems managing the 40 or so staff members that work for me?”

Me: “That’s precisely where I would be the most help for you.”

Wife: “Hey!” “He could help you out with the argument you had with your daughter this morning!”

Him: “What am I gonna do, huh!? She’s gotta come into work at least once a week. I understand that she’s got an issue, but c’mon already!”

They both laugh. The wife rolls her eyes. They walk back into the restaurant.

No one needs conflict resolved in their lives. Until they actually do.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/