Value is a loaded term.
- What do you value?
- Why do you value it?
- What does the person next to you value?
- Why do they value what they value?
When we aren’t curious about the answers to those questions, we stymie (and in some cases, block totally) our efforts to manage conflicts effectively.
We also stymie (and in some cases, block totally) our efforts to connect with others through the process of conflict.
Both acts—the management and the connection—matter more for getting to an outcome that you want due to embarking upon the process of conflict than anything else you might do.
By the way, managing values-based conflicts is hard (think the Israelis and the Palestinians, or the IRA and the British) but it is not impossible—if you unload the term value and ask some serious questions.
And then respect, and act on, the answers.