[ICYMI] Mediator’s Own Rumplestiltskin

Poltergeists can present a problem, whether they are intending to come through your television or spin straw into gold.

Always Be Closing

 

Poltergeists these days come through social media, offering multiple spinning wheels, promising to turn the straw of engagement and trust, into the gold of long lasting revenues.

For mediation professionals, trust is the only currency worth having, whether at the table with conflicting parties, or blogging about strategies and approaches to conflicts.

Trust goes directly to relationship in the overall mediation process as well and the revenue generated from that trust should appear as referrals on the trusted mediator’s bottom line.

Or, mediators can just wait on Rumplestiltskin to show up…

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Who Will Take Up The Banner

We seek experts out because, even in a world where there is no more “secret sauce,” the vast majority of us still take the shortest route to the best possible outcome.

You_Cant_Program_People

 

Peace building professionals should have gained knowledge of this, either through practical experiences at the peace building table, or just through watching humanity stumble through this thing called life.

Is it any wonder then, that our professions—from the law to engineering—still view credentialing as the “coin of the realm” and seek to convince clients (who don’t know enough to question otherwise) of the veracity of their pedigrees?

This tendency to seek the shortcut, the easy answer, and to give ideas and philosophies which seem complicated the short shrift, has also lead to a loss of practical, moral wisdom. A loss of Phronesis, if you will.

The peace building professional who seeks to ensure that her clients are self-determined and are allowed the space to enact further damage on themselves and each other, is worthy of far more credentialing than the individual who knew all the right answers on the last State Board exams.

The field of peace building is at a crossroads—and has been for about the last ten years.

The practitioners, credentialers, academics, and others who hold the reigns of power, have to decide if Phronesis is more important than field level shorthand, and whether or not honoring the former rather than the latter, will lead to a stronger field or a weaker one.

Clients and the market can’t direct the field around this, they can’t point the way.

Data and technology will not save us either. Artificial intelligence is just that, artificial, and lacking in profound moral and ethical wisdom. And big data is only information without interpretation and action.

Phronesis is what needs to be acknowledged so that clients’ best interests are protected.

But who will take up the banner?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtrainining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

3 Easy Pieces

There are three areas to cover before the mediation process can begin:

3 Easy Pieces

Once a mediator is established in these three areas, then a negotiation to a settlement can begin.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

The Other 95%

Nonverbal cueing involves 95% of human communication efforts.

NonVerbal Communication

Professional speakers and presenters realize, at a professional level, what many people know at an amateur level:

What you say with your face and body matters more than what you say with your mouth.

In a dispute resolution process, nonverbal cueing is far more important to coming to resolution that anything that either party may say.

Mediators’ nonverbal cueing can protect the agreement process, or reveal doubt about either the participants or the resolution itself.

Eye contact, micro-expressions and body language are the grout in between the tiles of conflict resolution processes that can either ensure that an agreement remains adhered to by either party—or can ensure that no matter how many “yeah, yeahs” are given, the agreement will fall apart.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Oscar the Grouch Wins

In a sharing, collaborative economic system, a grouchy mediator can succeed.

The same as a grouchy salesperson, a grouchy consultant, a grouchy NASA scientist or a grouchy plumber.
In an increasingly social world, where the old methods of building rapport, such as personal style, manner of speech and dress, common interests and associates have moved to online networks first and offline interactions second, building rapport becomes much more difficult if someone has…well…virtual “resting “bitchy” face.”
Now there’s nothing wrong with that.
However, as the whiz kids of smart move faster and faster toward commodifying, commercializing and socially selling, everything up to and including death, the more difficult it becomes for anyone—even a mediator attempting to create relationships with clients—to establish rapport based on anything other than authenticity.
A grouchy mediator, who markets to the long tail of people who value seriousness and professionalism over cat pictures, facile Tweets, or pointless blog posts, can succeed.
Food for thought.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Why So “Serious?”

Amid the theater and drama surrounding the very real conflict around the 2013 government shutdown, the Affordable Health Care Act implementation and other events in Washington DC, we are a little surprised here at HSCT to hear one word fall consistently from our government leaders’ lips:

“Serious.”

Why_So_Serious

As in, “I won’t negotiate without serious reform on the table.”

Or

“I won’t talk to [Insert name of politician/political party here] until they make a serious offer for change.”

Now, part of our role here at HSCT is to teach people how to negotiate. We teach how to navigate stonewalling, interests, judgments about the future, risk tolerance, and time preference. In addition, we cover lessons around framing, communication and the use of deceptive tactics.

We’re also not naïve to the whims and modes of American political history and realize that there have been “budget battles” in Washington DC that looked intractable, but that eventually produced workable compromises between governing parties.

However, nowhere in our training or in our experiences, were we ever taught to not negotiate until the other party became “serious” and made an offer we could live with before beginning the bargaining process.

This all kind of puts us in mind of The Joker in The Dark Night .

He didn’t want to negotiate until Batman was “serious” either. And yet, somehow, negotiations (such as it were in the film) moved forward anyway.

And that’s what has us so surprised.

After all of the bluffing, deception, and everything else, we are absolutely sure that the debt ceiling, the government shutdown and the Affordable Health Care Act implementation will be resolved one way or another.

But, when people in power harden their positions—as do their followers, the pundits and the casual observers—the chances that, to paraphrase from The Joker “everything burns,” become that much more possible.

Why then, is there such emphasis on “serious?”

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Guest Blogger] Sheila Sproule: How I Became Inspired

What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”― Jane Goodall
The Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) guest blogger this week is Sheila M. Sproule.
A graduate of Fordham University School of Law, Sheila serves in multiple capacities in the pursuit of peace in New York State.
Most prominently, she is the current President of the Association for Conflict Resolution-Greater New York chapter (http://www.acrgny.org/). As the president, she works to outreach and advocate for the interests of professional mediators, academics involved in the field and fellow legal practitioners of ADR in the greater New York area. From the ACR-GNY website:
“The Association for Conflict Resolution Greater New York Chapter, Inc. (ACR-GNY) is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to promoting and strengthening alternative dispute and conflict resolution, fostering the use of dialogue and contributing to professional development of the ADR field.”
In her professional life, Sheila works in the NYS Office of ADR and Court Improvement Programs as a Management Analyst. She is a tireless advocate of ADR processes and the ADR field overall and approaches her work with excitement, energy and an enthusiasm that is infectious and inspiring.
We here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) are proud to feature her writing here and heartily recommend joining ACR-GNY if you are a professional in the field of mediation anywhere in the Greater New York area.
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I became inspired to mediate in law school when I joined a mediation clinic out of curiosity.
YinYang and ACR-GNY Logo
It was a new concept to me — the idea that people could go to a third party neutral to assist them in resolving disputes — which is exactly the role I played when a group of us went in to small claims court each week to mediate cases.
It was eye-opening to realize that people were often motivated to sue each other because they wanted a chance to confront the person they felt wronged or disrespected by, and often never even spoke with until that day for the first time communicate since the incident. I found that money was not the only factor in every dispute mediated; but, rather everyone wanted to be heard.
As a former Adjunct in the same clinic years later, I learned how important it was for people to have their feelings validated by a neutral third person; someone that could reframe their situation to the other party in ways the other party could hear them.
These are just some of the values embedded in the dispute resolution field. As current President of ACR-GNY, it is my role to ensure that the public is made aware of all the options available to them when they are in conflict — from the early stages to the late stages. 
Dispute resolution practices take many different forms, and our membership embodies all the possible options out there — mediation, arbitration, coaching, settlement conferencing, and facilitation.
Please visit our website and learn more: www.acrgny.org.
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-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Mediator/Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
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Email HSCT questions or comments at: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
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[Guest Blogger] Leah Cagle: Why I Mediate

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.”- Eleanor Roosevelt

Leah Cagle of Georgia Mediation Professionals, Inc., brings 20+ years of educational, entrepreneur and life experience to her extensive work in the field of mediation.
A seasoned practitioner with experience in  real estate, small business ownership, commercial development and construction, Leah has a sensitive and heartfelt approach toward working with all her clients and their needs.

Georgia Mediation Professionals, Inc., mediates civil and criminal cases referred to them through the Georgia State Court System as well as domestic cases.

Leah is a certified Christian counselor and brings her experience as a certified professional coach to the mediation table. She is a good friend of HSCT’s and we support her in her mission and goals to bring true peace and meaningful change to the world.
Check out the Georgia Mediation Professionals website at http://www.georgiamediationprofessionals.com/.

“I could never do what you do. Not in a million years!”
Uprise
That’s what I hear when I tell people I am a Mediator/Peacemaker. Conflict isn’t a favorite thing on most individual’s lists, however, I live my life’s work and mission in the messy middle of people’s conflict.
Why do I do it? I don’t practice Peacemaking because I’m looking to get rich or because it’s easy. Peacemaking is very difficult and high stress every day (I work with Lawyers!).
Starting a new business is difficult, high stress and often shows little return (financially) in the early years. The field of Mediation is tough! Getting a foot in the door is a huge challenge, and keeping it there requires a strong work ethic, honing of my skills set, and consistency.
As the world and the field of Conflict Resolution changes, we, as Peacemakers, must adapt.  Peacemaking isn’t what I do, it’s who I am. I am passionate about modeling a better way to “do conflict”.
The world around us is changing at the most rapid pace ever. We have lost the art of civil discourse. Conflict escalates daily. We need Peacemakers in every arena of life.
Networking, even if I don’t see a return on the contact for months or years, continual dialogue with other Peacemakers, listening to their ideas and thoughts on change, walking into another Peacemaking setting even though yesterday’s left me exhausted, I do all these things because I am a Peacemaker.
I am passionate about peace.

Leah Cagle, M.A.
Conflict Resolution Specialist

-Peace Be With You All-Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/