In every training, workshop, seminar, or presentation, there are participants who don’t want the stories, the philosophies, or the underlying data.
They merely want the skills.
The bullet points that will allow them to plug-in to a situation or conflict, and make it turn out in the most optimum way possible.
Unfortunately, the skills that they are seeking to learn are not the ones we need to acquire for success in the work world of today—and tomorrow.
- The skills that we need to develop don’t include learning how to avoid another human being.
- The skills that we need to develop don’t include learning more about how to engage with less empathy.
- The skills that we need to develop don’t include learning more about how to engage with fear and manipulation of others’ emotional lives.
- The skills that we need to develop don’t include learning how to place more blame or engage in more dodging of responsibility.
How do we determine what skills we do need be learning, though?
A good rule of thumb is to observe carefully the patterns of behavior that you’re engaged in that may not be getting you the outcomes you think that you deserve.
Once that observation is complete, then act to change those patterns of behavior. Get a conflict accountability “buddy.” Gather with others who have overcome the patterns of conflict behavior that you have overcome and share your stories.
And lastly, engage with your new skills by making some tough choices. Some of them will not be easy, particularly if they involve family, friends, or workplaces that are toxic, not supportive of your change process, or that wield power over you in subtle (and not so subtle) ways.
And once you’ve partially gotten through this path to learning skills that are based in what we do need more of (empathy, courage, moral clarity, responsibility, and accountability) then write about what you’ve done and the path that you’ve walked to get to where you are now.
We need more people writing, making videos, and recording podcasts, about how they’ve actually learned the skills that work, rather than more fluff about the spectacles that entertain.
At that point, and only at that point, will the listicle dragon be slain.