Would You Rather Be Right or Be Reconciled?

A Christian approach to peacemaking revolves around three behavioral encouragements that are very simple to talk and to write about, by very hard to practically accomplish.

Peace is not the Absence of Conflict

  • Believers are encouraged to confront first one at a time, then in two’s, then in the sight of the church.
  • Believers are encouraged to confront in love and to seek understanding first, rather than judgment.
  • Believers are encouraged to avoid confronting in the law first (via litigation) and to instead confront in the Spirit.

Think about how often we get into conflicts—in the workplace, in our families, even in our churches—and how rarely we exercise the first step of positive confrontation.

The initial step is hard, confrontation, because we would sometimes rather be right, than be reconciled.

But when we favor “rightness” over reconciliation, we do not allow the better angels of our nature to truly work on our hearts.

Would you rather be right, or be reconciled?

[See: KJV Matthew 5:21-26; Luke 17:3-4; Romans 12:18; Matthew 18:15-17]

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

HSCT Retreats From Repealing Conflict Question

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

Question & Answer

We ask this question as part of our 30 second elevator speech describing who we are, what we do and what our approach to conflict is here at HSCT, every time we stand up at a networking event.

From rooms as small as four people to rooms with as many as one hundred people, no one yet has raised their hands.

We’ll keep asking, but, we recall that, even back into Biblical times, conflict existed.

James, Jesus’ brother pointed out in his gospel (4:1-3) that wars and fightings occur among people because of the desires (in the original King James version, the word used is “lusts”) that do battle inside of us.

And yet, no one ever raises their hand.

  • Poor—or no—communication leads to conflict.
  • Differences in priorities, values, goals, talents and opinions lead to conflict.
  • Competition over perceived limited resources leads to conflict.
  • And,of course, knowing what to do, and doing the opposite, leads to conflict. In the Bible, this is called “sin.”

Sometimes the worst types of conflicts, such as—well—wars and fightings, come about because of sinful actions, desires and behaviors.

So why are so many people unwilling to answer the question we pose honestly?

Well, it’s hard to admit that conflict exists, particularly if the person admitting to it doesn’t perceive there to be a conflict.

It’s also hard if the other party refuses to acknowledge that there is even a problem in the first place.

Finally, admitting to having a conflict requires us to be vulnerable, and there is no place we’d rather not be vulnerable, than in front of our peers at a networking event.

So, we’ll ask at the end of this blog post:

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

[Thanks to Ken Sande. Check out his book here.]

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

 

A Question of Scaling


Does this idea scale?
It’s popular question around here lately at Human Services Consulting and Training as our efforts become more targeted toward our customers, fans, followers and others.
The question come from a series of assumptions that have very little to do with the work that we are doing—consulting, freelancing, “entrepreneur-ing” at the intersection of peace, education, problem solving and communication—and have a lot to do with how other organizations have “built out.” 
Scaling up for peace is a tricky proposition, primarily because everyone—the fan, the customers, the followers—wants to own the victories; but at the same time, they want to minimize the defeats.
The only organizations that we have seen scale up for peace successfully have been churches. And we don’t know about you, but we’ve noticed that sometimes the world and the church don’t always see eye-to-eye.
We answered part of this question last week here, but the answer to “Does this idea scale?” can only be answered by you.
So…
Give us an answer by connecting with us on social media via the channels below our signature line, or by sending us an email, and, as usual, 
-Peace Be With You All- 
                                      
Jesan Sorrells, MA      
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

An Equation for Life


At a certain point, in every speaking engagement we embark on here at HSCT, we are asked one of two questions:
“How is it that you have so much energy?”
And/or
“Where do you find the time to get everything done that you do?”
Also, we are accused of being too intense in our approaches to navigating conflict communication, making sure mediators and peace builders engage in entrepreneurship, and in making the point that the future is coming, whether we are prepared for it or not.
Three things:
  • Time: We here at HSCT have the same number of hours in a day—24 by last count—that Socrates, Einstein, and Elon Musk had and have. And so do you.
  • Passion: The word comes from the Latin root meaning “to suffer.” So, graduates, when you are told to “follow your passion,” what those well-meaning speakers are really telling you is “do your suffering.” We work hard here at HSCT.
  • Energy and Intensity: We believe in the value of the education and life experience that we have acquired over time. We believe in the value of our perspective and approach to business, entrepreneurship and peace building, and the validity of our knowledge and resources.
Finally, when all that belief, time well spent, and passion come together, we believe that we have no choice but to burn brighter than the Sun, with every chance we get.
Energy=Passion+Intensity+Belief/Time
A simple equation.
-Peace Be With You All- 
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Artificial Wisdom


There is a demonstrable difference between intelligence and wisdom.
After watching the new Cosmos, with host Neil DeGrasse Tyson, we here at HSCT are amazed at how much human beings have accomplished.
It’s a miracle that we go from arguing with our parents and spilling our lunch down our shirts to going to engineering machines that can take people to the moon in the space of 32 years.
This is a human miracle that is very rarely commented on and when it is, we usually dismiss it and instead focus on our co-worker with the messy, meatball sandwich laden shirt who is 32.

  • Intelligence gets us to the moon.
  • Intelligence engineers Facebook and Google.
  • Intelligence determines how much concrete and steel need to go into a bridge to make it stand.
  • Intelligence measures how much water needs to go into a flower to make it grow.

But wisdom…well…that’s another thing altogether, right?

  • Wisdom waxes poetic about the shape of the moon and its meaning in our lives.
  • Wisdom ponders turning off the computer and turning to offline relationships.
  • Wisdom causes us to care (or not) about the plight of the people under the bridge.
  • Wisdom calls to us to touch the flower and talk to it to encourage its growth.

Does your computer, or Google, have that?
In a very short amount of cosmic time, we have managed to slice a sliver from the great stone of knowledge, but HSCT’s concern is that we have not attained the commensurate wisdom to go along with it.
HSCT’s conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells, will be presenting on the issue of online reputation maintenance in a world where virtues and traits such as love and wisdom, are not often addressed.
Register for this FREE event here http://www.sunybroome.edu/web/ethicsand stay for the day.
We would love to see you there!
-Peace Be With You All- 
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Guest Blogger Ruth Gray: The Bigger Picture

In general, when we think about creative people, we often do not think about conflict. 
We sometimes assume that emotions in an artist are expressed through whatever medium they have chosen, and to a certain degree this may be true. However, conflict comes to the artist and creative as surely as it does to the executive and team leader. 
 

The fine artist Ruth Gray of Ruth Gray Images: Anything But Grey–has been among our followers via Twitter for the entire time that we have been building Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT). 

Her studio, Ruth Gray Images out of Derbyshire, United Kingdom (http://ruthgrayimages.net/) focuses on landscape painting influenced by the landscapes of the United Kingdom as well as Australia.
 
We here at HSCT have a fondness for artists (after all, our principal conflict consultant, Jesan Sorrells has a background in printmaking and drawing) and we believe in a creative, collaborative approach to the conflicts in life. 
 
Please welcome our guest blogger, Ruth Gray.
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Waiting for the Bus Market Place Ripley

Waiting for the Bus Market Place Ripley

My name is Ruth Gray I am a fine artist I have been painting for over ten years professionally and like any job, for being an artist is a job, I have to interact with many other businesses and contacts before I make that magical sale! Conflict is something you can encounter everyday as an artist and my way of dealing with conflict is to always think of the ‘bigger picture.’
The ‘bigger picture’ that I refer is the length you would like your career to be whether you are an artist like me trying to sell pictures or a newly set up retail business. You have to decide how you will handle each conflict. 
For example if a rival artist in your locality decides to change their modus operandi to be similar to yours and you feel it could have a knock on effect to your sales margins do you bad mouth that artist or think of ways of complimenting each other and collaborating? 
I know which I would do! Collaboration brings many more opportunities for future projects and opens doors you previously had no idea about how to unlock.  I am part of a few art associations and work alongside other artists at events and exhibitions and each decision I make is a big picture decision always thinking carefully about sharing and giving rather than taking and gaining.  
Projects currently:
Ruth Gray Images Fine Art Landscapes – Anything But Grey.
Flourish Exhibition airarts aid to wellbeing Royal Derby Hospital: Now until Feb 2014.
The Ripley Rattlers Exhibition: DH Lawrence Museum June 2014.
Links:

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 -Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

[Opinion] The Conflict Games

The most raw experiences participants and audiences still have in the world is the experiences they share in the arena of sports.

In an era where most of the news is known before it can even be digested, the realm of sports offers people an opportunity to experience something almost unknown these days: the unknowable outcome.

Will she make the jump over the horizontal pole, or not?

Which car will cross the finish line first without crashing?

Will the team who has an undefeated record lose this week?

The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

Unknowable outcomes move people with the drama, the action and suspense of story, without all the prefabricated feel of false entertainment. And when we live in an era where “reality stars” appear to be ever more fake and ludicrous, sports offers hope of seeing a genuine person perform well—or fail miserably.

We read an article recently about the growing popularity of cross fit in the United States and a trainer was quoted as saying: “There’s no bullshit in sports. Either you can lift the weight or you can’t. You say that you can deadlift 450lbs, well then let’s put on the plates and see.”

Brilliant analysis.

It also applies to conflicts.

Conflict and peace are unpredictable and, much like sports, just when you think that you know the score or the outcome, someone, or something, can sneak in for the win or the tie.

In a conflict, there’s plenty of bupkiss floating around, and its tough when the stories we tell (which are heavier than any weight we could possibly deadlift) are piled on the bar. And then, the people opposite us may tell us that “Either you can lift it or you can’t.”

But the unknowable outcome still drives us in sport and in conflict. So, we here at HSCT have a proposal: What if we had an Olympic Games for conflict management, peace building, coalition forming, collaborative law and conflict resolution?

Would anyone show up to watch that thrill and agony?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Advice] Should You Teach as a Consultant?


Is consulting a collaborative process?
Is teaching a collaborative process?
Does peace building provide an opportunity to impact a maximum number of people?
Do we live in a collaborative, connection based economy?
Do you need to spread the word about your talents and skills and cut through noise and distraction?
The answer to all of these questions is YES!
And the best way to accomplish all of these is by collaborating with your local technical, community, junior or four-year college.

The revenue of connection is the only one that counts in the “new normal.”

 
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA 
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
“Like” the https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook
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Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Email HSCT questions or comments at:hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Big Data, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Federal Data Gathering Centers

Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth. Tell no lie. Everything you think, do and say is in the pill you took today.”–Zager and Evans

There is a direct line between the rise of GMO’s, the enthusiasm with which “Big Data” is being adopted, the coming of Google glasses and other wearables, the prevalence of Federal Government “data centers” (7,000 at last count) and the ubiquitousness of cameras on stoplights, street corners, and in city parks.
This line overlaps with mobile device tracking, police and the NSA monitoring your cell phone calls and Internet searches, and the coming of “the Internet of Everything.”
This line is followed ever so casually, by the prevalence of laws and policies designed to provide a benefit (i.e. the Affordable Health Care Act, among others), but that tangentially allow larger and larger private and public bureaucracies to burrow deeper and deeper into personal behavior choices that we make on an individual and societal basis.
The intersections all meet at a point of behavior monitoring, or “nudging,” of private individuals into buying acceptable products, acting in acceptable ways and making sure that everybody else does the same.
In the arena of conflict resolution and peace building, we here at HSCT find the idea of behavior management or behavior monitoring by large, faceless, entities to be–well, “creepy” (as the kids are wont to say as they Tweet out every instance of their lives looking for connections)–and authoritarian.
Dare we say, all of this progress smacks of Orwellianism.
Now, before we are accused of wearing tinfoil hats and searching the skies for black helicopters, we have an “early adopter” curve for you to make our next point.

Now, early adopters are the people who will buy the I-phone when it’s brand new and will probably buy the first pair of Google glasses at $200 a piece.Your folks in the middle–the early and late majority– are most of us.  They will buy a smart phone from Wal-mart two years from now and only because their friends all have one, so “why not?”

Your third group is at the end of the curve. The laggards are the people we all know who still have VCR’s and will never buy Google Glasses because they’re either paranoid about Big Brother, or they just don’t care.

The anti-GMO people…
The anti-CCTV camera people…
The ACLU…
The guy who drives around town distributing a mimeographed, weekly paper, out of the back of his car which is full of garbage and may or may not have an animal in the back.
These are your laggards.
Moreover, it is the behavior, choices and conflicts that this group of people present, that confounds, distorts and affects bureaucratic “thinking” and policymaking, and leads to more and more talk of “the Internet of Everything.”
Now, mugging people of their autonomy, independence and free will and limiting choices, stands in opposition to peace, in our opinion.
The right NOT to participate is the most sacred right in the Constitution.
This sacred right, to go off on one’s own, creates conflicts with other individuals and societies.
However, peace is NOT the absence of conflict.
The false promise of all of these technologies is that by everyone, everywhere, at all time, having their behavior, choices, ideas, attitudes, conversations and thoughts, confirmed, conformed, reformed, and reconstituted, for the benefit of the lowest bidder; that somehow, that act of “tamping down” the unruly nails, will ultimately lead to some sort of man made Utopia.
That is NOT peace.
That is TYRANNY.
Let us all become vigilant watchmen on the walls for peace.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Offer] What Does it All Mean?

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” – Morrie Schwartz
Our principle conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells, is often asked on sales calls for Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) a very interesting question by potential clients, customer and vendors:
What does HSCT stand for?
HSCT’s stance, approach and core, are best defined through our brand’s tagline, “Helping YOU ethically attain PEACE in YOUR life.”
Our tagline is more than just a witty phrase, or a method of branding; it reflects and defines the mission, values and vision for our consultants and our company.
Like many this week, we watched the events in Boston following the bombing at the Boston Marathon with a mixture of many emotions.
The subsequent manhunt and capture of the alleged bomber, and the subsequent information that was revealed about his upbringing, brought us back to the events at Sandy Hook, Connecticut last year.
We don’t know what to make of all of this yet, but we here at HSCT would like to take the time to encourage you to read our post from December 2012, “Masculinity in Conflict” here (http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com/masculinity-in-conflict-george-zimmermantrayvon-martin-edition/) and let us know what you think by commenting below or sending us a brief email at jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com.
And, check out our offers page –> http://bit.ly/HSCTOffers for FREE downloads, and more!
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/